Wisdom From The Heart

Hey beautiful people!

I love to write and basically have conversations with myself through the written word. After having connected with my amazing soul sisters years ago I have healed so much in myself. I wanted to share this piece of my life with you in the hopes that it might inspire you and make you feel like there is hope in healing pain from the past regarding friendships.

Having lived my life over 40 years I have learned many things about relationships and interaction between family, friends, acquaintances, employers, co-workers, strangers, but also just people in general. Life has no manual and the people that have taught me everything about human interaction were my parents who have never received any kind (loving) lessons from their family themselves on how to navigate through emotions or life in its totality. This means that I had to learn my own lessons, make my own conclusions and form my opinions based on my personal experiences which quite often resulted in pain because I could not see the true lesson behind them and therefore not being able to release the pain. This can only happen when there has been no healing on an emotional level and when there are too many trauma’s. For the most part I have been gathering these painful experiences since childhood and doing my best to learn from them in the only way I was able to: stop trusting my feelings, tucking them away for my protection from being hurt and making rational, logical decisions that would keep me safe from ever being bruised again. This is not only in romantic relationships but it affected every relationship I had with others.
I wanted to protect my inner child from ever being hurt again and from this point my mind naturally took the job of being my protector. I would only allow others to come closer if my mind would be able to see that they were trustworthy and safe. This is how I slowly and gradually disconnected from my own emotions and sensitivity.

Without realizing I started to distrust myself because the part that was able to resonate and connect with others was not allowed to do what it was created for. As a young girl I have started experiencing anxiety due to the fact that I felt unsafe within my own perceptions and inner world not realizing that this was because I was pushing away a big part of myself: my emotions that connected me to my intuition.

Everything that I have ever craved to feel is to feel loved, accepted, protected, cared for, nurtured. I wanted to feel safe and that I was part of a community that would always have my back. Yet at the same time I could not trust people because my experience taught me that it is easy to be hurt when I am open and vulnerable. It is easy to get rejected, betrayed, judged, mocked, laughed at and ultimately abandoned by those that I wanted to be loved by so badly. I continued to be very careful in who I allowed in my circle. I started judging others and instead of relying on my gut feeling I let my mind decide who would be allowed into my life. Needless to say this way of responding only caused me to allow people in my life that were just as disconnected from their emotions, who had walls just like I did and who operated from their mind rather from their heart.
And what happens when you meet someone who is guarded and feels unsafe just like you do? You match in the same pain and you end up being hurt because that person has unresolved trauma’s just like you do. You run away from each other when you come too close because fear takes over. And I have been running away from a lot of people without even being aware that I was doing this because I was protecting my inner child from more hurtful experiences. I have lost many friendships because of this. I have experienced rejections and loss over and over again which made me feel abandoned and often times I felt punished believing I was not good enough. Somehow I ended up experiencing my biggest fears over and over again by people that kept touching my childhood wounds. They would leave me and make me feel rejected. Of course, from a higher perspective, this was allowed to happen by my higher self so I would be able to overcome the illusion of not being loved as I believed I was.

Today, I am a changed person. I have been diving into my deepest fears for many years and looking them straight in the eye without running away from them. It has been confronting, it has been scary, it has been messy and sometimes painful to relive the tucked away trauma’s one at a time. But it has been so liberating to free myself from the box that I have put myself in to ‘protect’ myself.
I thought I could protect myself by locking away the most vulnerable parts of myself. But instead I have not allowed myself to receive the love that I wanted to feel so bad because I blocked it in all ways. Nobody was allowed in there, yet I was able to give because this is where I was comfortable with. Giving is easy, right? There is no pressure there. I would give if I would trust but I wouldn’t allow myself to receive out of fear to experience more pain. Since I have been freeing myself and getting all these precious parts of myself out of the box I have been meeting people that reflect the trust that I am gaining in myself.
Trusting yourself is a process that takes time and needs a lot of patience. Because even though I was protecting myself I have also forgotten, or perhaps I have never even known, what it was like to trust myself.
These people turned into deep connections which I am no longer running away from. When there is a conflict or when pain comes up triggerd by a soul sister now I can stand firmly (ok, sometimes still with shaky legs but nonetheless still standing) without thinking they are going to hurt me.
These soul sisters (I have yet to meet soul brothers, but I hope they are on their way) have shown that they won’t run away and that they will give me the space that I have never felt I had during my childhood. They won’t reject me or make me feel small. I am healing my family trauma with them. They are the family I have never had but that I have always longed for. You know, when you were never understood or heard at home? Your parents that never paid attention to your emotional needs and just ignored your pain? This is the home I grew up in. Not because they did this on purpose but because my parents grew up experiencing the trauma they unknowingly passed on to me. They did their best but they simply could not meet my needs the way I needed them to.

Together with my soul sisters we are healing our childhood trauma and at the same time we are receiving the physical proof that it is possible to feel safe while being exposed with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. That we will not be rejected and abandoned for showing our pain. We are healing the deep pain of distrust within ourselves and within each other. We are learning how to trust once again like we used to in times before duality took over. We are returning to the sacred parts within ourselves that honor the depth of our essence so we can walk in confidence. I am grateful for my soul sisters and the lessons we are learning together. It has been a magical experience and awakening of all sorts. Not only are we healing our pain in this lifetime but we are moving through many lifetimes where we have experienced a multitude of painful situations.

We are healing individually and when we work together we heal the collective pain in a powerful manner. Let’s open up to invite our soul tribe who we will dare to feel vulnerable with and who we allow to see our pain, even our darkness, knowing that they will not run away from us but that they will help us find the pieces of ourselves we have lost along the way.

Our soul encompasses every color that exists in this universe, so why not invite our soul family that matches our beautiful palet of multidimensional colors? There are so many out there like us. So many are looking to be loved and accepted. Let’s dare to be our deepest self and invite others into our life so we can guide each other through thick and thin.

Open yourself to receive the goodness that you deserve and you deserve friends that are capable of loving you freely without restraints.

Your soul tribe is here right now looking to love you just the way you are.