The past week I have dived deep into my own darkness. I have done this before but not to the core as I am right now. There are always layers to our being and now is the time to face it all and bring love into it.
After I had a channeled session with two gifted souls it was said I needed to believe in my own magic again. This triggered a deep sadness in me because although I believe in the power of my soul I have always felt doubt and insecurity avout my human self. I realized I felt absolutely no magic about who I am as a person and I felt such pain from this realization. With this the energy within myself started moving and I felt a shift happening within my body. When this happens I can physically feel the energy move in my heart or in other parts of my body. When there are trauma’s in the body the energy cannot flow and we start to experience physical pain from this. This is a sign of the body to start looking and bringing healing to the trauma of this part in yourself.
My friend Anisha Ana has helped me to go deeper and to see where this pain is coming from. Since I made the decision to wanting to see the magic in myself I therefore decided to go deeper and see why I do not trust my human self. Also why there was so much sadness behind this.
What came up was betrayal and cheating. Sleeping with the husband or wife of my sister or brother. Betraying the people who are closest to the heart and who I experienced the deepest connection with. When feeling these energies and what I have caused I felt guilt, shame, regret, deep pain and I vowed not to ever use my sexuality to prevent it from ever happening and so I blocked my sacral chakra which I have felt in many lifetimes. It was punishment I put on myself and I felt I was not ever to be forgiven.
This is the root of why I do not trust my human self, why I experience doubt and insecurity and even anxiety. This is why I have always had a hard time trusting people, partners, friends.
In my subconsciousness the humanness was something that let itself be lead by physical desires and caused pain to others by these actions. I have felt the pain in my body from these actions and I have cried for several days to free these emotions from my cellular memory. I embraced myself and I allowed myself to feel it again and to love my humanness. Understanding and forgiveness happened and my body feels lighter and I can breathe again.
This is what I have come to realize about myself but I am sharing this because most of you have been in earth many times and you have played different roles. The good one and also the one that hurt others. Either way we are all carrying the codes of betrayal, shame, guilt, resentment, anger and so on. It is a collective energy and it is within all of us. Even if you personally did not experience it in a past life your ancestors did and you are here to help it heal for them and therefore will feel this within.
It even goes deeper than betrayal: the energies that are now coming up can be from rape, abuse, pedophilia, sacrifices and more. You might feel these energies too as it is now the time to heal them and bring light into them. It does not feel nice and it might feel scary but there is nothing to be scared of. Once you move through them you will see that the fear comes from the pain. Once you bring forgiveness and compassion into this pain it will become light.
You are light even when you walk in the darkness.