I was guided to explore the energy of jealousy yesterday, so before bedtime I did a meditation and started to feel what was coming up.
Jealousy is a feeling I have always oppressed in my life. Whenever I felt it coming up I would silence because it felt so awful and I my pride wouldn’t let me feel it. In all honestly I have always found jealousy to be a very ugly feeling and I felt I shouldn’t be jealous in my relationships: it was just not right and I should trust my partner. Being jealous was not OK in my book and trust was more important than what I felt.
By not validating what I felt I have blocked my throat chakra, I completely shut my own voice down because I didn’t express how I felt.
I took my journal yesterday and I started writing about it to see why I felt like it was not ok to feel jealous.
As I was writing it came up that in past lives I was left for another, I was played by the one I loved, I was cheated on, rejected many times, others have been chosen over me and that I was killed because of jealousy, beaten, tortured, poisoned.. Violence because of jealousy made me feel oppressed which made me block my voice.
This is also something that is from childhood where not enough attention was given. The craving for love and warmth while the mother or father didn’t give it to the child but gave it to others. So as an adult you might feel that your partner isn’t as attentive to you as he is to others and you will remember this feeling from childhood and so you will feel jealousy.
It is a feeling of being rejected and unloved. Jealousy is a memory from your subconsciousness that is played out in your adult life.
For me it was related to past lives where I was killed and knew violence because of it. I feared it so deeply in my subconsciousness that I blocked it because my cellular memory would remind me of it in my relationships.
I was harmed by it but I have also harmed others by it and I didn’t want to feel that again and therefore I blocked my voice from expressing what I really felt. A lot of sadness and pain came up from this and today I still feel the pain in my heart from all that happened with this energy.
But I choose to release this as it does not serve and I want to use my voice freely. I choose for loving communication no matter what I feel inside and I do not want to push myself away any longer.
I wanted to share this with you so that you too know that it is ok to feel the way you do. You are allowed to express yourself no matter how wrong it feels to you. Shame, guilt, insecurity have no place in us once we acknowledge them and bring them to light.
Darkness dissapears where the Light shines. 🌹❤️