The last week heavy emotions have been coming up that we’re buried away deep inside. This is the time to dive deeper into yourself and to uncover what has been hidden in there for so long. It is sometimes hard and confrontational to look at yourself and the emotions that have been neglected. In the past it was easier to ignore them and to move on acting like it’s all good and it was over. You accepted them and you move on. But have you processed them? How do you even process emotions?
Up until my own awakening I did not even know I had bottled up and hidden, ugly emotions. I was great at moving on. I wouldn’t even mention what I felt, I would think I accepted how I felt and go on with my life when I believed that something came to an end.
This often happened in relationships: I would often stop feeling love and I would end it. Not knowing why it all stopped all of the sudden and why I wouldn’t feel anything anymore for that person. Of course this made me think I was a bad person, unable to keep a relationship going and unable to love as I should. I ‘accepted’ the way I was and I would settle for less. Hanging on to belief systems that I needed to have a relationship despite feeling nothing in my heart. In reality I just ignored them and pushed them away so deep that I felt nothing but emptiness. I accepted that I felt nothing and that it was part of how all relationships were in my life. This is for ALL relationships, not only romantic ones.
In 2016 this whole illusion came crumbling down. It was like all the beliefs that I ever had about myself and the foundation that I built was being ripped apart. I built my relationships on belief systems and on buried emotions that were so painful that I didn’t know how to handle them so I pushed them away. I didn’t even know who the authentic me was! I thought pretending that everything was OK and to just keep going with what life gave me was how it was supposed to be. Most people in the world live like that after all.
My spirit guides, twinflame and my higher self helped me to go so deep that I started to cut through the roots of these illusions and belief systems. My parents belief systems, society’s rules, my bloodline and karmic relationships were all addressed and one by one released. Some call it the dark night of the soul but I rather call it the illumination of my truth. It was very painful, I cried almost every day for all that I have not allowed myself to be. I felt emotions I thought I didn’t even have: cause I accepted it all, right?
This period of my life lasted almost two years and after this I began to see the light in myself. I was starting to have hope again in humanity and in myself. Step by step my faith in love started to be restored. I do not mean love as in love for others but I started to see the love in myself. That I am worthy of being loved with all my messed up emotions and with my ugly truth. That I am perfectly accepted by the Universe even if I thought I was cold and heartless.
Have I hurt others? Yes. Have I made the wrong choices? Yes. Will I make more wrong choices? Most likely! The difference this time is that whichever choice I make I will do it from my heart and I won’t do it just because it is the right choice from my mind. Guess what: when you make a choice from the heart you can never go wrong. You will always gain so much wisdom and your heart will be so pleased that your experience will be completely different than in the past.
You see, you will always be challenged and you will always have lessons to experience in life. The difference is that you will now know how to deal with them from a place of knowing and from so deep that you will see and understand the purpose of it so you will not get lost in your emotions anymore.
Will you still have emotions that come up out of the blue? Sure you will. That is part of the experience on earth! A wide variety of all kinds of emotions to help you become aware of your authentic self.
Most of all you are learning how to become a master of your own inner world so that in return you can start helping to heal others in your own way because your experience is unique.
If you are reading this then you are a healer. You are able to dive deeper into your own magical world than anyone else on this planet. You were chosen by your soul to do this. You are awakening to your truth layer by layer!
I applaud you for this because the journey you have chosen isn’t one you can back away from or can run from. When you run from your truth it will hurt you more than if you turn inward and start to uncover the unconditional love that you exist of.
It’s not easy to become your authentic self. It’s messy, ugly, painful and it can be sad but most of all it is FREEING. Keep in mind that this transformation necessary for you to have no more pain inside. If you are going through this right now: don’t give up on yourself. You WILL make out of this more powerful than you could ever imagine.
I am not only writing this for you but I am writing this for myself as well. My higher self always comes through in all that I share with you and the messages are always encouraging. Most of the time I need to feel the energy in my own writings because we are all in this together and your support is helping me to be the authentic me. Do you know that while I am writing this that I can feel you reading this? My heart is expanding just by feeling the recognition of your soul while you are connecting with me through these words.
All of this helps me to be myself. To all of you who are reading my posts and enjoying my work: thank you, you are awesome! Keep going because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is YOU.