I have been through a very rough emotional week. I was not able to find the energy and motivation to do anything that I love. Every time I wanted to take action and do something I would get a feeling of being stuck and feeling useless. I felt a heavy pressure on my chest and back, feeling numb and simply being unable to do anything that would make me feel good.
After a little while when I found the courage I took the time to get deeper into this feeling and what I felt was a sense of disconnection to love, I felt no love for myself and for who I am. Because of this heaviness in my chest I felt immense anger, frustration, irritation because I felt powerless and stuck. I could kill anyone just by looking at them.
Feelings of not being good enough, not doing enough and overall a feeling of giving up on everything. Extreme tiredness fell over me and not having the courage to do anything. Feeling absolutely worthless and not feeling like myself at all.
These feelings are all occurring within the masculine part of ourselves as he has been feeling alone and hopeless for so long because he does not feel the love of Source. He has completely disconnected himself as a punishment for all that he did in the past. He has been torturing himself for all the pain he made his feminine go through. Once he realized what he had done he moved into darkness as a form of self punishment. This darkness within himself is so painful because he has never forgiven himself for the past actions. Although this has been going on for some time now this is moving through all layers of our energetic body: the emotional, the mental, the physical, the spiritual..
The divine feminine is standing with open arms and with forgiveness towards him. When I felt this there was a relief and so much sadness from the masculine. He fell onto his knees and he cried tears of despair and shame. He cried like a child that was denied the love from his mother (Source).
Deep grief and feelings of loss within his whole being for this connection of wholeness. He finally allowed himself to feel what his own punishment caused to his heart. The masculine within us does not feel worthy to receive love. When he dares to dream about being in love with his feminine he believes it will never happen for him because he can not see his own light, all he sees within himself is evil and darkness. He would hear the whispers of his feminine calling him back to his truth but he would not believe it because he was too deep in his own pain.
With this new awareness and the love of his beloved feminine he is ready to transform this pain into light again. He realizes he has been suffering long enough and he feels the love from his divine feminine. He is gaining trust in himself and he is allowing to feel the love in his heart that he has been missing for so long. With this the masculine will restore the connection with his higher self through the crown chakra. There where he solely used to connect through the mind he will now start to feel the higher guidance through the opening of his heart.
Light is being poured into our shadow parts and this can feel painful and tiresome. This is all a preparation for the higher calling that we all feel in our heart. Without experiencing this we can not open ourselves to our full potential and use the full power of our soul.
We are healing, we are becoming stronger and wiser. We will no longer be fooled and tricked by the deceptions of what we see outside of ourselves. This raw honestly will bring us the inner power to change all that is dark into light. And this journey starts within ourselves.
This year will continue to be one with inner transformation, the opening of light portals within ourselves, the awakening of our heart in ALL energetic bodies and feeling the truth of our soul in our cells.
We are overcoming our fears by looking them in the eye and transforming them with the power of unconditional love.