This month has been one with so many releases and activations that it feels like I am being slammed to the ground to rise again and feeling more free and balanced. But before this happens I am going through so many emotions that I sometimes feel like I don’t have the energy to go through all of it. It is exhausting to heal and it is messy.
For me the theme of this month has been anxiety. Fears coming up from left and right and they are all about not trusting love, feeling abandoned, unworthiness, disconnection, distrust, feeling lost, feeling like I will never know love and that I was dropped here to fight on my own. And at the same time missing home and feeling cared for and supported.
This anxiety comes in waves and I cannot sleep from it at night because I wake up feeling this pain in my solar plexus and on my back.
Fear of owning my power and trusting love again because it feels like it stabbed me so many times in my back in all sorts of ways. In my family, friends, my partners, work and just random people because the wounds have been there since I was born.
Where it comes down to is that as a human collective we all feel like we are abandoned and left behind to survive. And this is what we have been doing for whole of our life. Trying to prove our worth and fight to survive and fitting ourselves into all kinds of belief systems which push us further away of who we really are. Of course after living like that you don’t have a clue of who you are anymore. You have to create yourself all over again and discover who you are as an individual without any limitations. This can be very confusing and frustrating and all you can really do is just BE and let it unfold for you because you are in the process of birthing the new you. You can’t hurry a birth. You need to let it flow and let the creation happen before you can fully see the authentic you that is rising from the depth of your soul.
I choose for love and each time when I feel fear. I will no longer buy into the illusion of this pain and I choose to get out of this karma and this circle of incarnations where illusions have been my reality over and over again.
It is painful to feel this disconnection but it is so freeing to feel the love that is behind it. Even though this month I have been crying and releasing more than I have in my whole life I still choose to see this pain and acknowledge my wounds. I hold myself in love and compassion and I allow myself to be freed from them. They are not pretty, they are deep and painful and they cause me to feel everything all over again.
But I choose love.. Every time again. Every time I choose to love myself with all these pains and with all my broken parts that have never been allowed to speak. They are speaking and I am listening.
I love myself and I hope that you will see how you deserve to be loved too. ❤️